Celebrate Reading

A gentleman once visited a temple under construction where he saw a sculptor making an idol of God. Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby.

Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same idol?" "No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage."

The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. "Where is the damage?" he asked."There is a scratch on the nose of the idol." said the sculptor, still busy with his work.

"Where are you going to install the idol?" The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high. "If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked.

The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I know it and God knows it!"

The desire to excel should be exclusive of the fact whether someone appreciates it or not. "Excellence" is a drive from inside, not outside. Excel at a task today - not necessarily for someone else to notice but for your own satisfaction.

Power of Positive Talk

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high.

My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.

I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did... fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.

My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do.

Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite."

People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction.

So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc."

If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.

Notice when you or other people use them.

ؠBut: Negates any words that are stated before it.
ؠTry: Presupposes failure.
ؠIf: Presupposes that you may not.
ؠMight: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.
ؠWould Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.
ؠShould Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)
ؠCould Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.
ؠCan't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:
Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"

Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"

Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

Time Management is a waste of Time

You are sitting at your desk looking at the pile of emergencies that need your attention immediately: All the “to do lists” from the last few weeks that you pushed off and still have not done.The 43 unopened emails in your inbox. The flashing lights on your three phones, indicating that there are messages waiting for your attention.
“Enough is enough,” you find yourself screaming in your head, “I have to get some time management coaching.” So you sign up for the next time management class in your area, given by a great time management expert who promises to change your life forever. Problem solved? Let’s see what happens.
The class is great. You have three full pages of notes on how to get organized. You come back to your office only to find that while you were at the class, you got many more urgent emails and tasks. You jump to do them, putting your time management notes on your “things to do” pile. A few weeks later that pile topples onto the floor and, as you’re picking things up, you find the notes from the class. You smile to yourself thinking, “Where do people find the time for time management?”
Sound familiar? You are not alone. Most people today find themselves in an uphill battle struggling to keep up with a never-ending stream of urgent and important things to do. Let me share with you a very simple perspective that may change the way you look at time management. Very simply, it is this: time management is a waste of time. You cannot manage time, you can only manage your priorities, stay focused on getting them done, delegate the rest or ignore them.
The challenge that most people face is that they work so many hours every week that work becomes their identity. They keep taking on more and more responsibility in order to become successful. The irony is that, like most people, when you sit down and think, “What does success mean to me?” you generally get answers that are not work related at all.
Think about it. Your first answer is probably something like, “I want to have money and a prestigious job.” But, once you get past that initial answer, keep digging, and ask yourself, “Why is that important to me?” Very quickly you’ll get to the real answers, which include family, hobbies, spirituality, charity, etc. The simple act of writing your answers to these questions will show you what’s really important to you in life.
Because of that, the real definition of time management is priority management. When you are clear on what’s important to you in all areas of your life, you can then make a list of the goals you want to accomplish during the month, week or day. Then it’s easier to stay focused on getting them done.
A lot of people bought in to the belief that they “don’t have enough time,” and they use it as an excuse why they are not doing what they really want or should be doing. But in reality there is no such a thing as, “I don’t have time,” because you will notice that even in situations where you are so busy and you don’t have a minute to breath, you will find the time to go to the hospital with a loved one, or the time to listen to politics or a good joke. So in essence when you say, “I don’t have time,” what you are really saying is, “What I am doing now is more important than what I should do or what I want to do.” And that is okay, as long as you realize that it is a choice that you are constantly making.
When you tell your child, “I don’t have time for you now,” what you are really saying is, “I have other things to do now that I consider more important than talking to you.” The same applies when you say, “I would really like to do… but I can’t because I don’t have time.” What you are really saying is, “I don’t feel that the things that I want to do are important.” Why? Either you are afraid that they will not work out, or you don’t know how to do them. Either way, it’s not an issue of time.
Here is your new belief, “You choose what you want to do at any point in time, based on your comfort level and your decision as to what is important”.

How should a Leader Know to Manage Failure

Former President of India APJ Abdul Kalam at Wharton India Economic forum , Philadelphia, March 22,2008)

Question: Could you give an example, from your own experience, of how leaders should manage failure?

Kalam: Let me tell you about my experience. In 1973 I became the project director of India's satellite launch vehicle program, commonly called the SLV-3. Our goal was to put India's "Rohini" satellite into orbit by 1980. I was given funds and human resources -- but was told clearly that by 1980 we had to launch the satellite into space. Thousands of people worked together in scientific and technical teams towards that goal.
By 1979 -- I think the month was August -- we thought we were ready. As the project director, I went to the control center for the launch. At four minutes before the satellite launch, the computer began to go through the checklist of items that needed to be checked. One minute later, the computer program put the launch on hold; the display showed that some control components were not in order. My experts -- I had four or five of them with me -- told me not to worry; they had done their calculations and there was enough reserve fuel. So I bypassed the computer, switched to manual mode, and launched the rocket. In the first stage, everything worked fine. In the second stage, a problem developed. Instead of the satellite going into orbit, the whole rocket system plunged into the Bay of Bengal. It was a big failure.
That day, the chairman of the Indian Space Research Organization, Prof. Satish Dhawan, had called a press conference. The launch was at 7:00 am, and the press conference -- where journalists from around the world were present -- was at 7:45 am at ISRO's satellite launch range in Sriharikota [in Andhra Pradesh in southern India]. Prof. Dhawan, the leader of the organization, conducted the press conference himself. He took responsibility for the failure -- he said that the team had worked very hard, but that it needed more technological support. He assured the media that in another year, the team would definitely succeed. Now, I was the project director, and it was my failure, but instead, he took responsibility for the failure as chairman of the organization.
The next year, in July 1980, we tried again to launch the satellite -- and this time we succeeded. The whole nation was jubilant. Again, there was a press conference. Prof. Dhawan called me aside and told me, "You conduct the press conference today." I learned a very important lesson that day. When failure occurred, the leader of the organization owned that failure. When success came, he gave it to his team. The best management lesson I have learned did not come to me from reading a book; it came from that experience